Deep Thoughts

[WonderBread]

by Jack Handy

http://www.cco.net/~jpete/deepthou.htm

[Chesso]

Ummm errrr well..... ok........ uhh..... right e o then.

[Rondog]

Some of those were quite entertaining.

[MONKEYMAN]

LOL, completely different.

[Repo Man]

Jack Handy has been making me laugh for over twenty years now. His short circuited logic never fails to make me laugh out loud. He was also a writer for Saturday Night Live, and came up with the Toonces, the cat who could drive sketches.

"Broken promises don't bother me; I just think, "Why did they believe me"?

"Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap; the Venus Flytrap can bite and bite, but it can't hurt the frog because it only has little plant teeth. Then some other stuff could happen, and it could be like ambition."

[Daniel ~]

A story with a happy ending!:

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

[Rondog]

Originally Posted by Repo Man

"Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap; the Venus Flytrap can bite and bite, but it can't hurt the frog because it only has little plant teeth. Then some other stuff could happen, and it could be like ambition."

Im not understanding this one...

[cloasters]

Somewhat of an acquired taste. I haven't acquired it.

[Repo Man]

"I'd rather be rich than stupid". Still makes me laugh. Jack Handey is my hero.

[Favu]

Originally Posted by cloasters

Somewhat of an acquired taste. I haven't acquired it.

Nor me

[Phat Pat]

Originally Posted by Rondog

Im not understanding this one...

exactly. You need to apply the key before it makes sense.

[Toro]

some purdy funny ones in there. I laughed at the Disney land one, I was accused of being "pretty sick" by my work mates

[Repo Man]

Some of his best are ones that involve children.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.


I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ``That guy sure owed me a lot of money.''

If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!

But I don't know how people could not like these. No accounting for taste I suppose.

[Daniel ~]

All Classics!! ":O}

[Daniel ~]

For our mystified Non-USA members. I'll "Try" to explain.

Jack Handey is like the guy who sells everything, leaves his wife and kids to seek wisdom at a laundry mat... something about dryers and the cycles of life...only to become more wrinkled and oppressed by lint!

He is America's answer to every moronic pundit and faithless Minister. He's the "Other shoe that drops" It/he don't really explain anything, but the second shoe makes a noise of confirmation and we know that "Something" is going on...just not what.

This won't help you, I just realized, but I spent time on this so you have to read it anyway!

[Toro]

I think I hand managed to grasp that much

[ajopz]

There are some strange one in that lot, lots of funnies too.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

[Daniel ~]

It's the way I'd preferred to be threatened..

[Toro]

depends where they were making the call from, and where you were in relation

[ajopz]

Not good if they are busy and it takes them a minute to answer the phone