Today's joke !

[chrisbard]

rofl

[Strongwolf]

Originally Posted by chrisbard

Waitress: Hawaii, Mister? You must be Hungary.

Gent: Yes, Siam. And I can't Rumania long, either. Venice lunch ready?

Waitress: I'll Russia table. What are you Ghana Havre? Aix?

Gent: You want Tibet? I prefer Turkey. Can Jamaica cook step on the Gaza bit?

Waitress: Odessa laugh! Alaska, but listen for her Wales.

Gent: I'm not Balkan. Just put a Cuba sugar in my Java.

Waitress: Don't you be Sicily, big boy. Sweden it yourself. I'm only here to
Serbia.

Gent: Denmark my check and call the Bosphorus, Egypt me. There's an
Eire. I hope he'll Kenya. I don't Bolivia know who I am!

Waitress: Canada noise! I don't Caribbean. You sure Ararat!

Gent: Samoa your wisecracks? What's got India? D'you think this arguing Alps
business? Why be so Chile? Be Nice!

Waitress: Don't Kiev me that Boulogne! Alemain do! Spain in the neck. Pay
your Czech and don't Kuwait. Ayssinia!

Gent (to himself): I'll come back with my France and Taiwan on Zanzibar is
open.

You can take your Galapagos and Bora Bora yourself!!!

[cloasters]

LOL! Where did you find this gem?

[chrisbard]

FHM.COM

[chrisbard]

YouTube - Boemerang

[ccperf721p]

Sorry bama brothers, but I have to share...

A guy from Alabama passed away and left his entire estate to his
beloved widow, but she can't touch it till she's 14.


How do you know when you' re staying in an Alabama hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I got a leak in my sink,
"and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."

How can you tell if an Alabama redneck is married? There's dried
tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Alabama to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools


The governor's mansion in Alabama burned down! Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books - poof! up in flames, and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.


A new law was recently passed in Alabama .
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

[Samuknow]

and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

That one got me......LOL

[chrisbard]

YouTube - Talking Cat

[Strongwolf]

Why does Santa's helpers are in depression?













Because they have a low Elfsteem.

[ccperf721p]

The Pope and Hillary…

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.



'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the senator says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"



He doubts it, so she shows him.Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.



The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."



The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."



So the Pope slapped her.

[ccperf721p]

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[Samuknow]

Originally Posted by ccperf721p

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[Daniel ~]

To many good one's to comment this morning! ":O}

[ccperf721p]

WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES????

And you thought all men think about is sex, drinking beer, and watching
sports. Well read on.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was
not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for
him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of
coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip
of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into
the room, "Why Are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering
when we first met 20 years ago and started dating.
You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he asks
solemnly.

The wife is almost reduced to tears herself, just thinking
How caring and sensitive her husband is.
"Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses

The words were not coming easily. " Do you remember when
Your Father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself Into a
chair beside him.

The husband continues. " Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my
face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail
for 20 years?"

"I remember that, too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says." I would have gotten out
today."

[Samuknow]

[laughing hysterically] that is just wrong mister...

[Daniel ~]

In marraige, one child always get left behind...":O}

[ccperf721p]

Originally Posted by Samuknow

[laughing hysterically] that is just wrong mister...

[ccperf721p]

After going through a virus attack,
losing a hard drive,
fighting off hackers,
upgrading all my software,
installing fire-walls,
being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider,
and a host of other problems...

I have fixed my computer...


and NOW it works exactly the way I want it to!

[ccperf721p]

Afterthought, may be too much. You should know what to do to read it though..