Today's joke !

[chrisbard]

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

[Redroar]

Heh. But that's probably a good bit quicker than 6 seconds.

[cloasters]

If she disposes of Bob cleverly the life insurance might buy her that Ferrari of her dreams.

[chrisbard]

What a dark mind you have there Mr. Cloaster ^^

[Daniel ~]

Yes, but C. also has three Ferraris! ":O}

[chrisbard]

Originally Posted by Daniel ~

Yes, but C. also has three Ferraris! ":O}

Hahahahaa, well here is one for you Daniel;

Glad to be drunk

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

[cloasters]

Drunk...temporarily crippled. Been there, done that!

[ccperf721p]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the man offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off, or I'll kick the $&!@ out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed .. 'When did this happen?'

' Couple of minutes ago.'

[Daniel ~]

I guess we know who won that fight....? ":O}

[ccperf721p]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents
to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular type stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left.
Ernie, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Liz. She was a pilot in
Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a
survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle
wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of
twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran
out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke,
and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your
daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Liz when she's drinking.

[WarriorII]

hehehe... right on!

[cloasters]

Roger that, kemosabe.

[Daniel ~]

Lol

[chrisbard]

Animal All-Stars on Yahoo! Video

[Samuknow]

That was cruel.....LOL

[Daniel ~]

Some day I hope to be that happy and contented! ":O}

[ccperf721p]

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were attending their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor:
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body". For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!
"Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid."

[Daniel ~]

Ever wonder why it tooks us 10,000 years to put together a decent Vet school!?

(Well for once it wasn't ass kissers! ":O}

[chrisbard]

Cop Eats Stolen Pot Brownies, Gets Scared

[cloasters]

Eating that forbidden(is this country backwars uhh, backward, or what?) substance is somewhat strange when you're used to smoking it. So I've been told. So the crooked cop snitched on himself. I wish more bent coppers would turn themselves in!