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Mookydooky's Just for laughs! Humor. All jokes must be suitable for our younger members. NO profanity. Please use you best judgment when posting here.


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Old 31st May, 2002, 11:46 AM
Southern Man's Avatar
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Join Date: September 2001
Location: Falling to Earth
Posts: 4,722

ATM Instructions

DRIVE UP BANKING TO OUR VALUED CUSTOMERS:

HSBC Bank is very pleased to inform you that we are installing new "Drive-through"
cash point machines where our customers will be able to withdraw cash without
leaving their vehicles. To enable our customers to make full use of these new
facilities, we have conducted intensive behavioral studies to come up with
appropriate procedures for their use. Please read the procedures that apply to
you (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them for when you use our new machines
for the first time.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR MALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window with cash machine.
3. Re-start the stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6. Turn the radio down.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. Re-insert card the right way up.
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside.
12. Enter PIN.
13. Press "Cancel" and re-enter correct PIN.
14. Enter amount of cash required.
15. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
16. Retrieve cash and receipt.
17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
18. Place receipt in back of check book.
19. Re-check make-up.
20. Drive forward 2 meters.
21. Reverse back to cash machine.
22. Retrieve card.
23. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
26. Release handbrake.
__________________
Then, as it was, then again it will be
Though the course may change,
rivers will always reach the sea.
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