Today's semi funny joke.

[mookydooky]

What Men Really Mean...


"I'm going fishing."
Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means..."I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means...."I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...."Are you still talking?"

It's a really good movie."
Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."

"That's women's work."
Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"
Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"

"I heard you."
Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."
Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."
Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

[nullCRC]

I detect a hint of male bashing here....

[Betty]

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

ROFLMAO!!!

[Betty]

mook, you really should be posting something in the new contest thread.

[dimmreaper]

Originally posted by mookydooky
"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

As if I need an excuse to drive like a maniac . . . .

[cloasters]

Thanks, mookydooky. Monday laughs can be in short supply!

[Daniel ~]

Hey the rest of you guys aren't really like that are you?.....LOL

[Phil]

in answer to your question dan


"I'm going fishing."
Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

I don't fish, but I go to band practice, drink myself dangerously stupid until I can't play and then fall into a club

"It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

I've never said this, sure we all get a bit macho every so often, things like paying for a girl on a date etc..

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"

Fair doo's when I'm hungry I usually ask what is there I can make real quick and then my mum ends up making me a meal

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

I probabally do this and don't realise, like the man said it's a conditioned response to being nagged

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means..."I have no idea how it works."

I never say this unless I really do understand it and know the person I'm talking to wouldn't without me spending all day talking about it

"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

don't drive

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means...."I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."

She wasn't

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

I just come out and ask can it wait till later cos I can't hear anything, or go make some noise on my drums

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...."Are you still talking?"

I'd never!!!

It's a really good movie."
Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."

All the hallmarks of a great movie

"That's women's work."
Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

only in jest

"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

..and name

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

I've only ever bought roses off some crazy guy in the town centre in the middle of the night

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

I lost about 4 pints of blood before I admitted something was wrong

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

this is an overclocking board remember

"I can't find it."
Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

Or it's undersomething

"What did I do this time?"
Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"

No this is more 'what do you think I've done wrong?', we're all innocent in our heads

"I heard you."
Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

See conditioned responses

"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

Now I really am sincere when it comes to this

"You look terrific."
Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

never had this problem, the trick is to act stunned at the first outfit

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."

I'm the first person to admit when I'm lost, I just don't have the instinctive male sense of direction I guess

"We share the housework."
Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

No one cleans my mess up, thats how I like it

[-oden-]

" I heard you "
Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

this has caused me to be bonked in the head with more than one pillow while sitting staring at my monitor. I'm glad I have an understanding wife...she uses pillows instead of blocks of wood:-D